F*ck being humble

I started taking singing lessons a few months ago, and this is one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever intentionally chosen to do. My voice has not been something I have always been comfortable with, and I don’t just mean my singing voice. Presentations in school were the absolute worst for me. Drama class was the very last class I would ever take.  I went from elementary all the way through graduating college with never raising my hand.  I was a pro at never making eye contact with my teachers by dropping my pen or “looking” for something in my bag.  The thought of everyone looking at me while I talked was torture almost every day of my life for 16 years.

Needless to say, taking singing lessons is not easy for me.  I also do not have a traditionally pretty voice.  There is something there, but it has never really been used so I find it difficult to feel ease and allow my voice to flow. I’ve found a great teacher who pushes me but does it in a fun and playful way. I am very self aware, so I will share with Marya what it is I’m feeling or scared of and every single time that’s what we do next. And every time I’m like dang it, why did I tell her.  I knew that’s what she would do next. She definitely is someone who sees a challenge and wants to go right into that space.

At our last session she asked me if I’ve ever broken through a fear or a struggle before.  I have, many times. So she suggested that I go for a walk and talk to the part of myself that breaks through and trusts. To ask myself why I am so scared of my voice.  This is my forte. I am great at having an awareness about something that I do, a learned behavior, a belief, or a limitation and looking at it and figuring out where or why this is happening in my life. Seeing the seed thought of where a belief was planted.

I went for my walk and asked my self why am I so scared of my voice and what I got back was how we’ve been taught to not be proud of ourselves or get excited and share our accomplishments. That’s being conceited or cocky. That it’s better to be humble and not show off our gifts. It creates jealousy and makes others feel less than.  You can be proud of yourself, but not too proud.  You can be happy about your accomplishments, but not too happy because then you’re being arrogant. You should always be humble.  Have you ever looked up the definition of humble? Well, I did, and this is the definition.

adjective: humble; comparative adjective: humbler; superlative adjective: humblest
  1. 1.
    having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
    “he was humble about his stature as one of rock history’s most influential guitarists”
    antonyms: proudoverbearing
    • (of an action or thought) offered with or affected by a modest estimate of one’s own importance.
      “my humble apologies”
  2. 2.
    of low social, administrative, or political rank.
    “she came from a humble, unprivileged background”
    lowly, working-class, lower-class, poorundistinguishedmeanmodestignoblelow-bornplebeianunderprivileged
    antonyms: noble

I don’t know about you but humble does not feel like a very uplifting word.  I want to feel proud of myself and share with others my accomplishments, and I want for others to feel proud about themselves and share with me, so I can help celebrate you.  So I can tell you how amazing you are. How amazing I am. So I can go to my singing lessons or painting classes and allow myself to feel joyful that I’m doing this.  That I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and I’m having fun in the process instead of playing small, scared and embarrassed. When the definition of the word is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own worth, I say f*uck being humble. I want to be proud of myself and I want you to be proud of yourself. Share with me what your successes are.  Big or small, I want to hear it all and I want to feel overjoyed with you!

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I highly recommend looking up Marya Stark and checking out what she offers.  She has a beautiful voice and creates beautiful music, and is helping me break through in finding my voice.  You can listen to her on Soundcloud.