I got a new haircut almost 5 weeks ago, and as soon as I walked out of the hair salon I instantly started to feel self-conscious. I felt like everyone was looking at me thinking why did she cut her hair like that. I felt my insecurities pop up directly in my face. I instantly started to worry about what other people were going to think about me. All the new people I’ve met down here, the new people I’ll meet thinking that I’m weird now. I started getting worried that people wouldn’t think I was nice anymore, because “nice” girls don’t shave off 80% of their hair. “Nice” girls look pretty and don’t do anything edgy or things that could be considered out of the box. The next morning I woke up and started crying and thought to myself what did I do?!?
Then I really started to look at how much I care what others think about me and how much I live my life based off of how others will react. I really had thought I was choosing MY life. If one little haircut can cause me to question my choices it made me realize that I still am allowing the world and those around me to shape my life.
I’ve also recently decided to let my natural grey roots grow out. I was very insecure about that for the first few months, because once again I’d bought into the belief that I have to look as young as possible and grey hair means I’m old. Yes, I am getting older and yes, I do happen to have a lot of grey hair (quite a bit more than most people my age. I might even have more than my mom!) But I’m starting to realize that that does not mean I’m old, and so what if I am old? Why do I care so much about looking old, or thought of as old? What is so wrong with aging? Especially for women, why is it that women aren’t allowed to age the same way that men do? That our value is based off of how young and sexy we look. How good we look for our age. Like that is the most important thing.
When you’re young, you’re not always taken seriously. You’re ideas can be looked at as unimportant because you’re young. What do you really know?!? You haven’t even lived life yet. You just can’t win either way. As a younger adult you’re not always taken seriously, but as you get older, looking younger is what’s important.
It’s funny how one hair cut shook up my whole reality. Instead of instantly trying to hide my hair cut and start letting it grow out right away I decided to look at how much I really care what others think about me and just how much I actually choose things to make others happy, or to get another like on my Facebook picture. I chose to take this opportunity to see where I’m still not living my life based off of what I choose. I’m actually loving this new haircut. It’s really low maintenance, I use very little shampoo and conditioner, and it’s quite cool when it’s a hot day out. Plus, I just think I look badass with it!